I have to admit that you have been pretty good to me. Unlike the years that preceded you there haven’t been too many tumultuous or soul sucking moments throughout. I had definitely had my fair share of stumbles but I have yet to fall to the depths that I have in previous years.
You started out giving me such an utter gift earlier in the year. I found a source of creativity and freedom within myself which I had believed to be long dormant. You prompted me to look inward and push myself to achieve the very things I had erroneously believed were far beyond my reach.
You have taken me to the most incredible of places in which I have met other human beings who have influenced and shaped me for the better. There have also been instances during these times when I have felt like I have been pushed to my emotional limit. Encountering such hideous examples of the worst of humankind has made me question the element of humanity at its core. But in turn the strength and resilience that this has inspired in those I encounter has given me the drive to fight alongside them.
I truly believed that this year I would find the love of my life, the one, my soul mate. I had absolutely no doubt that this happenstance would occur and that I would find the content and peace I have always been searching for as a result. But as every something turned out to be nothing I questioned that belief. I found myself towards the end of this year thinking that yet another year had gone by without the element that has alluded me the most…
What I didn’t realise then was that I had indeed found the life of my life and that person, in actuality was me. I had found unconditional love, I had found content, peace and acknowledgment of the person I was becoming. I had found all of these things within me. For the first time in my entire existence I was able to truly love and accept myself. Not for the person who I would become, but for who I was right then and there in that moment. I was finally able to look at myself the way I had hoped the right person would look at me. With honesty, respect and unyielding love. I came to understand that I was the saviour that I have always been searching for. I was the one who would change my life for the better. I, within myself am the one I have been searching for.
So 2017, I have to thank you. Because the day that someone walks into my life who mirrors all these things appears, I will not look within them for the validation I have always been seeking within myself. They will not be my be all and end all, because you helped me to see that the only person who will ever play that role, is me.
For this I am eternally grateful.