I blog for Change…

As I attempt to orient the windy and often treacherous roads that encapsulate life, here are some of my thoughts on the successes, failures and ultimately the hope and positivity in which I strive for a better world. I also hope that I can use this blog as a platform to elevate the social justice issues that are somewhat forgotten in the modern discourse of staying silent on issues that challenge. Sx

Lost love.


I wanted to write today about the notion of lost love. In our lives it’s well known that people come and go and our emotions and feelings about these human beings are technically supposed to waver depending on their physical presence. In most instances this is rarely ever the case, relationship break ups do not neatly coincide with how we feel about those people that we once loved. Feelings usually linger for long after liaisons cease. So the question that I have always wondered is what happens to those feelings? Do they just dissolve because our mind tells them to? Or is it more the case, that over time we just forget those feelings of love and adoration and instead become increasingly numb to them?

I find it interesting how the human mind operates when it comes to loss. As intelligent beings our consciousness is well aware of what separation entails and our coping mechanisms naturally kick in when we are faced with a shock or loss. The first instinct we have is dependent on the fight or flight theory in which we either, get angry or sad, and cling to something or, in this case someone; or we give up and remove ourselves altogether from the scenario at play. I am almost always guilty of the latter in which I hide my feelings away and desperately attempt to convince myself that I never really loved that person in the first place. Whilst being completely untrue, this is also a terrible long term coping strategy!

As is consistently the case, those feelings which I failed to deal with then I should have then find their way to the surface at some point or another down the line. And I mean, what am I supposed to do with them then? How do I deal with an unresolved feeling of love for someone who is long gone? Am I allowed to still love them or is it mandatory to let go of that love in order to move on?

I suppose in this instance the quote ‘I’ll always have love for them’ rings forever true. I mean you might loathe someone for how they made you feel in the end but do you ever really forget the love you had for them in the time before that? Does lost love ever really dissipate? Or is it more the case that we get to a point where we have to acknowledge that it will always exist and that it’s okay?

For my purposes, I have to make peace with the latter because at the end of the day love is never a choice, but what is, is choosing to acknowledge its presence and move on in spite of it.




Author: es.el.gee

Sabene is a development practitioner, activist, writer, blogger and intersectional feminist. She currently works for CBM Australia and manages its East Africa & Philippines portfolio of Community Based Inclusive Development programs. Sabene’s expertise specialises in the intersection of gender and disability. She is passionate about equality and social justice and serves as the founder and editor of SpeakYoTruth, an online publication aiming to elevate the voice of women, specifically women of colour, women with disabilities and those who identify as LGBTQI. The platform seeks to create a safe space for women to speak their own unique stories and raise issues which are most important to them as individuals.

2 thoughts on “Lost love.

  1. Nice post Sabene. Hmmm. I don’t know. I think that maybe it doesn’t go away, a feeling towards people you have loved in the past. Maybe acknowledging that it will always exist and coming to terms with that is the best way? I don’t think it’s completely within one’s control either! Feelings and emotions are so weird and can seize you from out of the blue, sometimes they seem completely irrational. Anyway, I have no answers, but I liked your post 🙂

    • So true that it’s beyond one’s control Iz! And for those of us that are slight control freaks, that is distinctly what makes it so puzzling and frustrating at times. Glad you liked the post xx

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