I blog for Change…

As I attempt to orient the windy and often treacherous roads that encapsulate life, here are some of my thoughts on the successes, failures and ultimately the hope and positivity in which I strive for a better world. I also hope that I can use this blog as a platform to elevate the social justice issues that are somewhat forgotten in the modern discourse of staying silent on issues that challenge.


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‘Your Purpose is Hidden Within Your Wounds’

I woke up today to the most inspiring and thought provoking quote. It was composed by written word poet Rune Lazuli who stated ever so articulately ‘Your purpose is hidden within your wounds’. I remember the instantaneous place of contemplation it took me to and how freeing the thought of embracing one’s scars really was.

I’ve often written before about the need in society of vulnerability and honesty. Each and every time I’ve spoken of the cathartic nature of opening up about our insecurities, our fears and the aspects of ourselves that we struggle with the most. But I’ve never quite delved into the notion that our journey in life towards betterment, towards a future that we so desire is to be found within the deepest and darkest elements of our past and the enduring wounds they’ve left on our psyche.

Inevitably, these are the parts of ourselves that we avoid the most. We push feelings and thoughts down to a point of repression because we fear that dealing with them or even just addressing them at all will trigger some avalanche of emotion that will render us completely unable to function. In truth, this is the place where our bad, narcissistic and self-sabotaging habits lie hand in hand with our negative emotions. Of which are inevitably triggered through the discourse of everyday life.

So what if instead of running away from these feelings of inadequacy we were to embrace the pitfalls of our past and display our scars as prizes we picked up along the way. Perhaps the key to moving steadily forward to a more informed and well lived life is to open the door on the things we have had locked away for such a long time. What if instead of carrying these with us as heavy burdens we placed them front and centre and attributed them for the lessons we have learnt in this crazy existence which we call life.

Maybe one’s purpose really is to be found within our wounds not because they determine who we are, but because by acquiring them we fought through times when it was difficult to see through to the other side and yet emerged nonetheless. Therefore it’s then easy to conclude that what we had deemed our inefficiencies are nothing but the complete opposite; our weaknesses are the key to our futures.

Sx


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The Notion of Healing.

At the beginning of the year I remember coming into it thinking that I pretty much had it all covered and lauded myself on my extensive personal growth. I envisaged my life easing into a state of relative calm and comfort that I had projected as somewhere off in my future, and alas it appeared in those moments to have finally arrived. The truth of the matter is that it wasn’t, it hadn’t and I had to have a proper assess and evaluate by the time February came rolling by.

The entire episode rattled me far greater that I had allowed it to in my conscious mind anyway. That feeling of believing with all your soul that you had it all figured out and watching that bubble burst so effervescently was traumatic to say the least. I decided at that point that I needed to go on a search to understand what it was that underpinned my existence, my reason for being and what dictated my decision making processes. I mean I’ve always known that I am more spiritual than rational and believe in some sort of higher purpose but never really understood what or how that fit in with my everyday existence.

So I decided to go on a spiritual search of kinds and ended up searching for answers down the path of astrology. I remember so vividly entering into a consultation and asking a million and one questions about my future; will I be coupled up, successful, have children etc etc. I was searching for the answers in the outer realms of being without looking within myself. Perhaps it is all that much easier to look to the stars and some higher entity as the holder of the key to a life well lived. I certainly didn’t expect the answers to my life dilemmas to be wholly held by myself and myself alone and remember feeling a little jibbed by it all.

I mean, who could imagine that the onus of responsibility for one’s life is on… themselves?! A strange thought indeed. The revelation that I ended up having that day was not one of an epiphany of how to create life success it was instead a distinct need to self heal.

As human beings we really are flawed creatures who stumble from one situation of life into another, all the while attempting to wield some level of clout and rationale. The truth is along the way due to interactions with other equally flawed beings, we emerge with deep seated emotional scars that remain invisible on the outside but taint every move we make from that point on. Life will determine, in most instances, that we do get up and carry on but often times the motions are almost an action of autopilot in which we shut out the pain, the heartbreak and the loss to focus on the immediate need to take that next step. It’s only time, and usually copious amounts of it, that allow us the ability to look back which is essential in the process to heal. So then why do we avoid it so?

Perhaps the answer is because the process itself means identifying our own faults, flaws and missteps. Maybe it’s because it means applying forgiveness to those who might not deserve it or taking sole responsibility for something where we were not the sole partaker. Either way what I’ve learnt is that as uncomfortable as the process is, it is essential to take a breather and embark down the path of healing; of healing the heart, the mind and the soul. All of which I know is a necessary part of my journey too. Of accepting what was, admitting my role in it all and preparing to take the next well informed step to a different future.

Sx


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Towards Comfort..

I’ve wanted to explore the idea of comfort and why we all chase it so persistently for a while now. Whether it’s within food, another person or whatever other avenues are open to us, it seems to be a never ending and often narcissistic route to which we choose to endeavour upon quite consistently. It’s almost as if we feel that something is amiss at a level which we don’t always connect with or understand, but are aware of that sensation nonetheless. We then attempt to fill that void in whatever way possible.

I, for one am definitively adept at self-sabotaging in order to seek comfort in these moments. Because I can’t quite envision the long distance gains, I am in constant pursuit of the short term wins. Those fleeting moments of comfort and bliss, which never actually last and each time I endeavour upon them seem to be shorter and less satisfying; and yet I can’t seem to stop myself be a willing participant on this slide which soon spirals out of control.

I know that I am a rational human being, so what is it that motivates me to throw this to the wind at the times in which I seek comfort the most. Is it that I don’t believe enough? Perhaps, that I don’t quite understand the level of my worth deeply enough? What exactly is the reasoning behind my quick fix comfort solutions?

In thinking about this more deeply I’ve come up with a few ‘maybe this the contributing factor’ ideas. Some of which revolve around my inherent lack of patience. For longer than I can remember I have always been that person that has wanted it all right this very second. When I get an idea into my head, I can’t and won’t stop until I attain it; an element that has all too often gotten me into trouble. I am an all or nothing person but the more I think about it, the more I realise that its essence derives from a deeper place than my inability to show patience or restraint.

My issues with comfort come from a location within my psyche whereby my heart knows that something needs to change, but my head and my rationale are unwilling to take that chance towards a new direction. So instead, I reach for a quick fix to soothe that deep seated unease which of course is never enough because it doesn’t resolve the true issue at hand.

So the next time I reach for that comfort hit of food or the bliss that comes with interaction with that charming but destructive person, I vow to stop. I pledge to press pause, to just simply sit with my thoughts and then when I am ready, hit the reset button and embark on that difficult but necessary path towards betterment.

Sx


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Always Follow Your Heart.

Last week I was invited back to my old high school to present at a Careers Expo aimed at Year 9-12 students. I remember prior to the day trying to put together the decisions I had made in order to get me to the point of where I am now and initially focused heavily on the academic pathways which I have chosen to take. However, as time went on and I pondered on it further I realised that the only messaging that I needed to provide to these young women was based around one theme, and one alone; put quite simply, always follow your heart.

It seems that in life people never fail to provide you their opinion on things, whether it’s warranted or you want it or not. Everyone seems to be full of life advice, and it usually seems to be of an altruistic and objective nature as they state that the lessons they’ve learnt in life dictate the pursuit of a certain pathway for you. Although, I’ve started to realise that all of this advice isn’t objective at all; it’s actually quite the opposite and highly subjective in its entirety.

Each and every one of us, when providing any kind of advice will always base this on our own experiences. In some circumstances we’ll draw on the positives and tout the life changing outcomes that they have resulted in. For others, we will be tainted by our indecision or inaction to follow that path, choose that career or lifestyle or be influenced against our will by that person who was once a significant part of our lives. We each bring a level of our own subconscious and past into every piece of advice that we dish out, whether we realise it or not.

I could easily have stood there that day and told those girls that money isn’t the be all and end all. That most who pursue careers due to their incessant search for wealth, influence and power are so often tainted by the experience that they most likely abandon the pursuit altogether. I could have lectured them on the need to serve humanity as a whole and not ourselves or our own selfish and materialistic desires. But the thing is, those are all of my beliefs and present themselves as a verbal packaging of my own biases, life experiences and journeys that I have taken.

As I looked into the eyes of those young, motivated women who sat before me it seemed more important to tell them to look within themselves, into their own hearts and follow whatever it was calling them to do. I stood in front of those girls and advised them to listen to the inner workings of their minds, their hearts and their souls. I urged them to travel and traverse this wonderful world and live every experience that they could to then make up their own minds about their futures. I encouraged them to back themselves and their abilities in order to understand that anything in this world is open to the possibility of it, as long as there is belief, commitment and drive to consistently take it forward.

For ultimately, life is a pursuit that is inherently individual and personalised in its nature and for those of us that understand this, we realise that the key to it all is not to be found outside of ourselves but instead within our own hearts.

Sx


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I’m single but…

As I’ve gotten older I’ve had to consistently navigate around questions about my marital status. I am frequented more and more by first line enquiries to do with whether or not I am ‘attached’ as opposed to the condition of any other area of my life such as career, academia or even my health. To be honest I’ve come to understand that is a part of a life condition that is associated with someone, well more likely someone who is female and of my age range. What has surprised me in recent times though has been my answer to this question which has continued to be ‘I’m single but….’

My motivation behind needing to justify this is one that has been quite mystifying of late. Why have I, and others like me felt the overwhelming need to provide some sort of excuse or reason behind why we are single. Even in typing this I was tempted to write ‘behind why we are single at this time’. I mean I’ve never asked a person who is in a relationship or married about their status and then peppered them with questions about why they are in relationship. I suppose it represents an element of choice, why does one choose to be single, or be in a relationship or be married. However, why is it that no one states ‘oh I’m married because…’ Is there only a need for justification of those who are unattached?

In a world that expects women of a certain age to naturally be of the persuasion of actively seeking a relationship on a consistent basis, it’s difficult to be comfortable in one’s status of being single… just single. Not single and looking, or single because I’m focusing on my career. It seems to me that one of the greatest injustices that we place on young women today is forcing them at every turn to justify their existence of just being; of not being with another which for some reason doesn’t appease everyone else’s discomfort toward the alternative of them being ‘all alone’. Almost as if the idea of their being is not enough unless someone else is around.

The truth is, it doesn’t really matter if I’m single by choice, if I’m looking or not. I am enough. My existence is enough and does not need to be justified by whether or not someone is standing next to me. I don’t feel the need to vindicate my unattached state or consistently weigh how I choose to live my life against someone else’s subjectively biased standards of what my existence should look like or the path that I should take towards what they deem an acceptable standard of life.

So the next time someone asks me if I’m in a relationship or what my marital status is, my reply will be ‘I’m single’ (full stop).

Sx