I’ve been meaning to write a piece on friendship and what it means to me for a while now. However, as with most things, life has seemingly got in the way each and every time. I’ve also somewhat struggled to properly express myself within this realm for the entirety of my life. Those that know me will well understand that verbally articulating my emotions or feelings is not something that comes naturally. Compounded to this has been growing up in a family in which no one ever really addressed their feelings out in the open at all, whether they be negative or positive in nature. I think in some ways this has set a precedent for taking these relationships for granted.
But as I’ve gotten older I’ve started to understand that it’s important to tell the people closest to me how I feel and make some gesture towards appreciating the impact that their presence has had on my life. Being an only child I’ve never had the opportunity to experience what having a sibling would be like. I know that in the minds of many, this would be something to be longed after and I suppose appreciated as I’ve never really had to share anything for my entire life and yes, I’ve never had to compete with anyone for my parents attentions; it’s always solely belonged to me. But what I have missed out on is that unbreakable bond, of being able to share the turbulent nature of my household’s distresses with any else. Since childhood I’ve had to bear that burden firmly and exclusively on my shoulders.
As I’ve grown though, and especially recently, I’ve been lucky enough to come across a few people who have fostered relationships with me that mirror the bond of siblings. I’ve opened my heart and beared my soul to them and whilst I was fearful that I would look up and stare into judgmental eyes, I have instead found a place that much resembles the metaphorical home I have always sought after. When I was younger I thought that friendship meant constantly being ‘on’ and presenting the best side of ourselves to each other at all times. What I have realised is that it’s only by sharing those moments of true despair, of heartbreak, of loss, of utter insanity at times that we are able to form the bonds of true friendship.
So this post is for those of you who have become my siblings, you know who you are. Thank you for accepting my flaws, my complexities and my imperfections. Thank you for being there to just sit with me when no words could be formed to take away that hurt that was eating at me from the inside out. Thank you for laughing with me through the tears and, mostly, thank you for just being there day in and day out to take this wondrous and oftentimes soul wrenching journey that is life with me.