Last night as I was harmlessly doing some facebook ‘investigating’, as I would like to call it, I fell into the inevitable trap of doing a check up on the progress update of what is the life after me of one of my exes. Now the thing with this is, I actually very rarely think about this person and there are zero residual feelings involved, well except for maybe one of utter disdain that I ever dated this person!
However, Lo and Behold my unintentional digging had uncovered that he’d just recently gotten engaged to his current girlfriend. I immediately felt a pang of some feeling that I still can’t quite put my finger on. It was definitely something negative, and didn’t generate any happy emotion in me… was it sadness? I wasn’t sure. I mean why would I feel sadness about someone who treated me so terribly and who hasn’t had the courage since to look me in the eye and apologise for his bad behaviour?! I wholeheartedly know that this human being is far from the person I want to be with and believe that I dodged a bullet by separating our lives from each other. But yet, there is still some tinge of ‘somethingness’ that was brought up in me about the fact he’s getting married.
I had to delve deeper into this emotion, in order to understand it myself. I mean has society sets its standards toward the act of hurriedly coupling of and marriage over being with the right person? Or alternatively, not being with anyone at all? Perhaps, but for me, what it was more about was the fact that this person had hurt me terribly. By doing what he did, in the way that he did, he had actually broken me. He’d taken away a part of me, of my confidence and my ability to believe that I will never get back and yet here he is, unrepentant and with his happy ending. I felt myself being more and more outraged at the sheer lack of justice in which someone could strip another human being of their dignity, strength and belief in their own self to then end up not facing any consequences at all. It really made me wonder about the idea of karma. I mean, does it actually exist? Or is it just a folk tale that parents tell their children to scare them onto the right path and not doing the ‘wrong’ thing?
Is karma actually a universal accountability mechanism that we were always brought up to believe? Will we ultimately reap the benefits of a life well lived, of which we were kind, sacrificial and altruistic? Or is it all a farce? Does karma even exist?!